escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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