i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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