I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
