HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
you had me at cake vodka
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Randomize
