She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
