I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
