You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
