Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
