Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
