Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
