i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
