I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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