please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Randomize
