this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
