I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
