His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
jump out the window naked night went bad
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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