not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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