Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
