we're blogging at a bar
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
