and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
