I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
