i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
