he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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