So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
