its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize