I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
