Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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