the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
My cat gives me a boner
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
