Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
