Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
