you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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