Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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