It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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