i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
