The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
