were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
