i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
