My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize