guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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