I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
