I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
