What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
