Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
