peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
