Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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