things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
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