sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
