chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
