I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
