Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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