I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Drunk is not a location!
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
