highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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