living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
