we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
The power of my boobs compel you
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
