why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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