No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize