He uses pillows to masturbate.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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