Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
sex in a hospital.. check
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
