I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
