Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He passed out mid-signature
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
