i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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