Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
