You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
