1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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