i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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