go do what you do best...puke behind churches
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
