I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
