my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
