you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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